Ski Fun with Swiss Miss (Part 2)

My skiing adventures in Switzerland continue, starting with an extraordinary case of road rage … exhibited by me!

Ski Lesson #4: Ski Rage is as Real as Road Rage

We were halfway down a beginner run when some young kids with numbered bibs started racing past us. We realized they were in a somewhat serious race when officials started yelling at us to “Keep left!” After three or four of these, I had almost had enough. And then came the tipping point. We skied past one official on the left of the run. He yelled at us to keep left. “We already are!” I said under my breath. I came to a stop and turned to Ashlee for help. Keeping left here was going to be tough: the left was incredibly steep, with an even steeper drop off next to it. Again, the official yelled, “Keep left!” As I was still on the left, I ignored him. He continued, “Keep to the left! Can’t you see there’s a race going on?” Enough!

“Yes I can see there’s a race going on! Can’t you see that I am clearly a beginner skier? Your (expletive) yelling isn’t (expletive) helping! So would you shut the (expletive) up so I can figure out how the I can keep (expletive) left and not go over the side of the (expletive) mountain?!”

Who knew I had such a potty mouth? I think Swiss Miss was a little more reticent to yell instructions at me after that …

Ski Lesson #5: What is a GAPER?

I was pretty impressed with my skiing, so I showed some video to a friend who has worked as a snowboard instructor in Aspen. He was also somewhat impressed, and told me now I was skiing properly I should probably get some real ski gear- it was time to stop looking like a GAPER. A what?

GAPER: Guaranteed Accident Prone on Every Run

And if you want to know more about GAPERs and even take your learning to the next level and understand the term GAPER Gap, may I suggest you click here:

http://www.plumtv.com/videos/dont-be-a-gaper-the-gaper-gap

No longer looking like a GAPER ... I hope ...

Note, I don’t think I was that bad, but I’m willing to take on feedback. Thus, appropriately suited up in new ski gear, Swiss Miss and I headed to the slopes for another weekend of ski fun. Armed with our new understanding, we were quickly able to point out GAPERs to each other – the man in the parachute jacket and leggings, the man with red ski pants, a red t shirt pulled tight across his beer belly, and open leather jacket, the man on the train wearing a cycling helmet – oh! Wait, he’s carrying a bike and not headed to the snow like the rest of us!

Ski Lesson #6: It’s a Good Idea to Check the Pisten Plan Before Arriving at the Mountain

Blue Line = Beginner Run ... How many can you spot?

We had decided to explore a different resort – Flumserberg- this weekend. Looking at the map after we arrived turned out to be a somewhat foolish idea: there were precious few beginner runs. So the pressure was on me to step it up a notch… And I did! By the end of Saturday I was completing intermediate runs with Swiss Miss by my side, yelling instructions the whole way down. And on Sunday I was taking them on my own:) And I really only had one genuine stack. I knew it was a big one when a) one of my skis came off, I seemed to bounce before landing (shoulder bounce, butt bounce) before coming to a stop with my hear pointing to the bottom of the mountain, and b) instead of laughing and yelling “Hold that pose while I take a photo!” Swiss Miss yelled out, “Are you okay?” I was.

Ski Lesson #7: It’s Really, Really Fun

It was a really fun weekend. Skiing seems to me a perfect activity: combining the adrenaline of amusement park rides and the endorphins of physical exercise.

... and it was THIS STEEP!

We are already planning trip #3 for the year… And- most excitingly – I’ll be doing a cost-benefit analysis (yes, I am a consultant) of me buying skis rather than renting them. And given I am planning on skiing for my birthday, Christmas and on next years’s work trip to Bad Gastein- I think I might be going ski shopping this week:)